Big Change

A few weeks ago I talked to an old friend. He asked me to sum up what has been happening in life over the past few years since the last time I had seen him. My reply was "big change." It was the best response, and most accurate answer I could think of. Over the past several years, some huge changes have taken place. From a new nephew, to moving, to going back to school, to having a relationship end, to re-uniting with old friends in unpredictable ways. Going into detail about each of the changes is not an easy task. They are all so packed with information, reasons, excuses, emotion, struggles, and strengths; some positive and some negative, and some still in question.
Some how, through it all, my feet continue to propel me forward, most the time at a pace like that of a rock being withered down to nothing; so slowly that I question whether I am moving at all. It seems as though one day I'm making incredible progress, but the next day I find myself asking all the same questions I had the day before the last. In a song I recently heard written by a friend, she sang - "Lets take two steps forward in case we take one step back / so we'll still be farther than where we started at." That seems to be what happens to me. I just need to take it one day at a time and slowly continue to move forward, even if sometimes I step backward. I know the answers are out there, and I know there may be more than one right answer, its just a matter of choosing that answer and seeking it out to its fullest. Some times change can be a really good thing...

When I'm not looking..

Stuff... matter, material, articles, or activities of a specified or indeterminate kind that are being referred to, indicated, or implied... such a broad explanation of a word, yet so fitting. Stuff is all that goes on in my head. Stuff is what happens around me. Stuff is what I'm going through, and thinking through, and doing, and interacting with. I've seen some crazy stuff. I've done come crazy stuff. I've thought about some crazy stuff. But like i said, it's all so broad and general.. i can't quite pin point anything. most of this stuff ends up in my head and it creates this "brain cloud" that makes it hard for me to think and function. I get so caught up in wanting to understand, or know, or really nail something down. Relationships, friendships, acquaintances, and passers-by all get wrapped up in all this stuff in my head. I try to make sense of it all but it i end up thinking either too much or too little about any of it. Too many "specifics" run through my head to capture one thought and pause it long enough to analyze it, pull it apart, understand it, and resolve it. I am so thankful for having "outs" that allow me to release the majority of these thoughts. People, things, and beings that are constants to help me spill out the stuff in my head. God being the most important. As simple as He has made my life right now, it's incredible to think that it is still so complicated.. and to think further that I come helpless before Him with it all knowing that only He can organize and straighten all of the stuff out for me. Psalm 77:13 says, "Your way, O God, is in the sanctuary; Who is so great a God as our God?" That last part is so strong for me.. Who or what is as great as our God? No one! Nothing! God is THE ultimate.. and puny me.. here I come before Him.. week and frail, broken and humbled. I am at the feet of the God of the universe, and I hand Him this stuff.. "here you go God.. would you mind taking care of that for me, please?" Part of me has some sort of guilt for just putting that in front of Him and asking Him to take care of it.. and yet the other part of me knows that He is such a loving, gracious God, that He will gladly take care of it.. and so much more! Ephesians 3:20 says "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurable more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us." Wow! What an amazing God. What an amazing design. He has created us to completely depend on Him. He wants me to bring all my stuff to Him because He loves me and wants to take care of me, His creation. It's kind of hard to wrap my mind around...
Lord.. take all this stuff.. fill me with Your Spirit.

Okay, so here's what's going on.

It's hard to really even know where to begin. So much has happened in the past few months that I don't know how to even start writing about everything. I guess I'll just jump right into something..

I'm back in school. I go to Buena Vista through a community college called Iowa Lakes, up here in Okoboji. I'm back in school to get my Business Education degree. Right now I'm currently living at the Okoboji Lutheran Bible Camp with my younger brother. We put in about 30 hours of work each week in compensation for a place to stay and some food. The people here are pretty cool! They're fun to hang out with, talk with, and work with. We got connected to this camp through the church we're currently attending, which is also another place where the people are awesome! How did I end up here, back in school, back in Iowa though...? I ask myself that daily..

I was living in Indianapolis with my sister and my brother-in-law. I lived there for about a year and a few months. I worked on our t-shirt company as well as other jobs that I had here and there. During the last few months of living in Indy, I knew that Kasey was going to be headed off to college and I wasn't very sure what I was going to do as far as work, and education goes. I started really praying that the Lord would show me what the step I should take next. In that time He allowed me to go to New Zealand on a vision trip with a small team of 8. I was hoping that during that trip He would reveal to me what His plan for me was. I didn't see any direction. As the months became weeks of living in Indy I decided to go home to work and figure some things out. I spent about 2 or 3 weeks working back in Iowa, and i spend night after night while I was there talking to my parents about what I should do. I suggested the possibility of going back to school. Of course Mom and Dad were all over that idea, and before I knew it I was signed up for classes at BVU. I'm not even sure if that's really what the Lord wanted for me.. at least I didn't feel that he was leading me that way.. I feel like I just coasted into it....

Don't get me wrong, I love my parents so much and I am more than thankful beyond belief for them and everything they have done for me!! But.. I feel like a large majority of my life I have just coasted... coasted through high school, coasted through my first two years of college, coasted through almost 2 years of "working" in Indianapolis, and now I'm coasting again. I feel like I'm just in a little cart on a track coasting through a coal mine.. It all seems to "easy" or something. I really don't know.. and I still don't see the Lords plan in it all. It's not that I'm worried, or stressed or anything, I just don't really know what to do.

The thing I'm struggling with the most is trying to find the balance between the Lords will, my selfishness, and perseverance. Sometimes I wonder if there are things in life that you "just do" and persevere through, or if you can be content in what you do by changing your situation, Or if it's the Lord's will that you have to go through something, or if He is placing that discontentment in your heart because you have other passions and desires that He wants you to seek after... I really don't know! I have many other desires and passions that I'm not seeking after right now because I'm trying to understand if the Lord has me where I am right now just so I can "get through" and "persevere." I wonder if my desires are selfishness. I wonder if the Lord gives me those desires and wants me to follow them.. I don't know! I'm really struggling with this... and that's why I'm coasting.

I do know that the Lord has me here to be patient, still, and to listen. I know that He is teaching me patients and reliance on Him and Him only. He has placed people in my life to help me think through these things. He has also placed very dear people far away from me so i can think through these things. He works in pretty mysterious ways. I'm thankful that He is in control.

Please pray that the Lord would allow me to see His will, and that I would seek His guidance daily!

List of 10

About five months ago I was going to jump back into the swing of blogging again. I guess that didn't work out so great. I'll give it another try though and I'll make it apart of my list of 10 things i would like to do each day.

Kasey wrote out a list of 10 things that she would like to do each day. She has encouraged me to do the same. It will give me an idea of things I would like to accomplish as I go throughout my day that can help me encourage others, seek the Lord, and be efficient and effective in my daily life. So, in the Dusty way, (procrastination) I wrote out that list over a series of weeks.. maybe even months. Not that it took me that long to think of them.. i just kept putting it off. So, without further ado, here is that list.

1. Play guitar/Learn a new song, finish an old song, or write a song.
2. Spiritually encourage someone by words of affirmation, physical action, or prayer.
3. Set aside time to read scripture/books/pray/journal/be still/listen
4. Post to this Blog. (maybe not daily, but at least 2-3 times a week)
5. Try/learn something new.
6. Create some kind of art. (even if its just a doodle)
7. Listen to music, find a new band, or share my music with someone.
8. Eat healthy/Fruits/Veggies/ect.
9.Have a meaningful conversation with someone, not just a topical conversation.
10. Create/Imagine/Dream new ideas and plans for the future, in a God honoring way.

This list may be subject to change, or, it could be added to. These are just some of the things that I would like to do in each day. I have other obligations, such as school, working at the camp, and things like that that I have to do each day, and this list is the additional things that i would love to do!

Back to Blogging

I started this blog back in October.. i'v only posted to it 6 times, and the last time i posted was in November. Thats 6 months ago! I'd like to get back into the swing of blogging again. I would really like for people to know my thoughts and see my heart. So here is what has been going on in my life.

I'm still living in Indiana with Jared and Tina and their new baby Titus(cutest baby alive.) I work at a place called Dream Street Graphics, which is a vinyl graphics/vehicle instillation company. We specialize in putting the "big stickers" on vehicles for companies and individuals. I am also still running Vardagen.. which I will talk more in another blog. I am still dating the most wonderful young woman in the universe, Kasey Anne Miller. I am soo thankful for her! This June, i am planning on going on a vision trip to New Zealand. I will be going as a part of an 8 member team from College Park Church.

Those are just some of the happenings as far as lifey things go. Now for the spiritual side of things. Right now I feel very weak. Some days I do great. I'll be in the word and in prayer, but other days i just fee like I'm not really geeing fed from anywhere. I tried to attend a Thursday night bible study, but things just kept getting in the way, whether it was work or other plans it just didn't work out as great as i had hoped. Although CPC is a great church, with really good teaching, i just don't feel the community there. It's too big to be noticed or recognized. I've gone with Kasey a couple of times to her church, and although the service seems "old school" to me, it is very much grounded in amazing truth. The sunday school following the service is wonderful. I went last Sunday, and that has been the best spiritual anything I've had in a long time. I miss having good fellowship and good community. I miss going to church every Sunday and having consistent solid truth. I miss having deep conversation with my friends about God, Christ, and all parts of Scripture.

I'm convinced that the reason for my "ungrowth" spiritually is due to my own selfishness. This seems to be a constant problem in my life. I am always keeping things inside, bottled up. That is one of the reasons I want to start blogging again, so I can share my heart and thoughts with others to reply to and help me out.

I think I'll wrap this blog up for the night, but as I said previously.. I would like to start blogging much more, and to anyone who reads, i would love to have some input, so feel free to reply!

'heima'

After many months of being away from home, i am finally going back for a brief visit! There is something so refreshing about home that one can only understand and experience after being apart from it for an extended period of time. I am looking forward to the drive home. It gives me time to listen to music, to think about all of lifes issues, and to really focus on God. It gives me plenty of time to be alone and to spend that time or at least a good portion of that time in prayer. Its such a weird feeling knowing that im leaving people i love to go home to people i love. I wish i could always have all the people i love close to me.

I think fall has to be my favorite time of the year. I have so many amazing memories from this time of year through out my life. Also the fact that its almost Thanksgiving is so wonderful! I have so much to be thankful for; whether its Salvation, or family, or having food to eat, or Kasey. God has truly blessed me with so much. His blessings have surpassed anything that i could ever imagine asking for! Being 'heima' (Icelandic for 'at home') is such a blessing. Im really excited to see my parents and my brother... and even the cat!

Once iv spent my short few days at home, the family and I will head down to Texas to stay with our cousins for about a week. Man, i love those gals! They all have such a heart for the Lord! I only get to see them about once a year, but each time we meet up, its as if we havent spent a day apart. Their home is so inviting, the weather during this time there is beautiful, our conversations are always full of joy, and its such a blessing to be able to spend time with them. I wish i could share who they are with everyone. They are amazing in and out.

So, off i am to bed to get a good nights rest for the drive tomorrow. Hopefully the trip goes well with no problems and it will be a time that is encompassed by God's grace and glory.

Von.. er ágætis byrjun

Music = Mood.

Music is such a huge part of my life. I have tons of memories from different bands, and types of music i have listened to through out my life. It has shaped much of who i am. I have realized, though, as im sure many people have noticed, that music has the biggest impact on ones mood. I'll listen to sad music when im sad, happy music when im happy, hard music when im angry, ect. It works the opposite way too. I can be in a good mood and listen to a sad song and it will change my mood. Sometimes im in a very weird mood and i have to find the music for the mood im in. Usually its interpol that i listen to in my weird mood. As i type, im listening to Psapp, they seem to fit the mood perfectly.

I dont know why my mood is so influenced by music. Example: One day, near the end of a week, i was in a really weird mood, i couldnt figure out why, i was frustrated and upset. I had been listening to Pedro the Lion, and other similar bands basically the entire week. I put in some Zao and it completely changed my mood to perky and happy! It had a really big impact on me. Its almost like i need a musical balance during the week to keep me on level ground.

Another great impact is the spiritual value of the music. I try to listen to all, or mostly christian music that has great spiritual values and lyrics. Some people dont understand some of the music that has great spiritual value to me; such as Zao.

Most of the time, though, when i listen to music, i dont just "listen" to it. I like to experience music. I like to take it all in, lyrics, sound, feeling, everything. The band that has the most influence on the way i feel, is Sigur Rós. I dont like just putting them on and just having them play as background music. I need to listen to them either alone, or with someone that wants to experience them along with me. Its almost impossible to explain the way they make me feel. I guess looking at pictuers of Iceland would be a good way to sum it up!

I think there may be only one other person who really understands me when it comes to how much a music is apart of their lives. That person would be my older brother. The last time Cage and i were together, i hopped in the car with him, and for the first half hour or so, we didnt say a word, we shard music instead! That was our way of showing each other what our lives had been like, how things were going, and how things were changing. It was really amazing! I cant wait to hang out with him again, to share whats going on in our lives through music.